Hold Your Horses
by Our Wild
Summary: An ALTERNATIVE S3 mid-season finale, set a month after Weller's Berlin secret reveal. Including Jane and a mysterious guy from her past going undercover, under the watchful eye of a very not pleased and slightly jealous Weller.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** _ **We told you we'd be back, didn't we? So here we are! Hi, guys! Here's a little BTS to our writing process (not necessary for the story):**_

 _The very first draft of this fic was created during that time, when_ _ **"jealous Weller"**_ _themed stories were still a pretty cool idea and 90% of this Part1 was written before 3.09…_

 _And then -like our personal schedule problems and delays weren't enough already-_ _ **dear Mr. Clem decided to appear and throw us completely off track…**_

 _So, we were stuck with this half-finished story that (unfortunately?) had a couple of similarities to the actual events, two freaked-out over that fact writers and an "audience" absolutely unwilling to read anything more challenging for this new sweet-little-puppy Kurt…_

 _Thankfully, we decided to maintain our positivity and keep going. So, instead of giving you the original story we had planned, here's our second alternative for this season._ _ **Cause, if our first co-fic was an alternative S3 premiere, this is for sure an alternative S3 mid-season finale…**_

* * *

 **HOLD YOUR HORSES**

 **PART 1**

"Hey, stranger!" - Jane greeted the man walking into the SIOC with a warm smile.

"There's my girl!" - The guy returned her excited welcoming with a surprising hug. "I was expecting your phone call ages ago, you know." - He laughed, holding her tightly in his arms.

From Tasha's point of view the situation looked suspicious enough even before the hugging-show took place. Another mysterious guy from Jane's past that none of them had ever heard of. And then Jane herself, from being the grumpiest person in the office for a whole month, to happily enjoying this shady arrival. And he was really handsome, too. _Yep, totally shady!_ \- She silently decided, relieved that Weller was still looking towards her direction.

"Tasha! Are you listening?" - Kurt's voice brought her back to their conversation. But it was too late for her to hide her expression. He soon followed her gaze behind his back, only to find his wife's affectionate reunion with… _who was he anyway?_

Jane had been giving him the silent treatment since the day his Berlin secret came out. Well, not silent exactly, but that would have probably been much easier for him. They were still talking to each other as part of the team's procedural discussions and they were still working together in the field, but nothing more than that. She would ignore his painful looks and avoid all forms of contact, shutting him completely out of any personal moments.

And then she had insisted on calling that friend of hers to help them out with their current case. And he was nothing but unwilling to play partners with a stranger coming straight out of Jane's mysterious past. How had she met him and why was he so much better than any of their normal FBI assets, he wouldn't know. That was none of his business and her look had made that perfectly clear. But watching him hug her, touch her in a way that wasn't allowed to him anymore, that was too much for him to handle.

"You're staring!" - Tasha hissed at him, when he'd stopped responding to any of her previous calls. "Weller, they are coming here." - She tried to unfreeze him with a quick punch on his arm.

Jane and her friend approached them, both forcibly unaware of the intensity they met on the team's faces.

"This is…"

"Gabriel Fernandez" - The stranger interrupted her to introduce himself properly. His eyes traveled through every single one of Jane's colleagues, greeting them kindly but confidently, too. "Nice to meet you"- He went on, holding his hand steadily in front of Weller, sensing that he was the guy he'd have to deal with entering this group.

"Special Agent Weller" - Kurt replied with a deadpan expression, giving him a firm but clearly not very friendly handshake.

"Weller? _Kurt_ Weller?" - Gabriel wanted enthusiastically to know, returning his absolute attention to Jane, noting discreetly her back.

She bit her lip and waved positively, while trying to avoid the extra tension that Gabriel's revealing question brought in the room. _This wasn't going to be any easy_. She looked slowly up at Kurt, immediately regretting most of her choices for the day. She knew that he hated the hidden aspects of her life during the 18 months apart and his mind was always running a million miles per hour; and judging from the look on his face, he'd already pictured things she wished she could erase from his thoughts.

"I'm Zapata" - Tasha joined the conversation, hoping to calm the electrified atmosphere. "Reade's not coming today, but Patterson's waiting for us" - She went on, before this _Gabriel_ or Jane could say anything else to sharpen the tension. She then shot a confused look towards Jane, right before leading the way to the lab.

"OK, quick update" - Patterson continued her briefing once they were finished with the introductions. " _This_ is our primary suspect, Alexander Wood. He's been laying low for the past months, but we have a solid info that he'll be attending an art exhibition in Manhattan, later this afternoon."

"The problem is that only certain people are allowed to attend the event, all of them already having a personal invitation from the artist himself." - Tasha explained the rest.

"And this is where we need you…" - Jane turned towards Gabriel. "I figured you could maybe help us get in, since the gallery owner is _Robert Braida_ …?"

"Oh, my old pal Roberto! Let me see what I can do…" - Gabriel got her point right away.

One phone call later and their mission was almost set. The gallery owner took some persuading to let Gabriel and his plus one enter the exhibition, but the guy knew how to play his part perfectly well.

"OK, we're in. But you might not like this one…" - He walked over Jane once he returned back to the lab. "Long story short: you are my girlfriend, it is your birthday and the event is my surprise to you... This was the only way he'd let us in." - He explained in one breath, feeling Weller's eyes throwing flames at him.

And just like that, the elephant came right back in the room. All eyes were at once on Kurt, awkwardly waiting for his reaction. _Would he look too jealous if he actually punched that smug face?_

"You should both go get ready" - He put his feelings aside, trying his best to maintain his professional status. After all, showing how sick this arrangement made him would only make things worse...

"He's right. And _these_ take ages to get covered…" - Jane pointed her tattoos, feeling already exhausted from the process ahead of her.

"Why on earth would you ever cover your tattoos?" - Gabriel jumped in.

"It's an undercover mission." - Tasha filled immediately the gaps. "We need you to mingle with the crowd." - She shot at him, subconsciously stepping a little bit closer to Kurt.

"Jane, your body is a work of art." - He ignored the intense looks, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Everyone in _that_ _room_ will appreciate your tattoos; they're beautiful!" - He closed the distance between them.

"OK, none said otherwise!" - Kurt couldn't help himself anymore. "But…"

"The chances are your wanted guy is an art lover." - He interrupted him. "Don't you want him to come straight to us, instead of us chasing him down?" - He tried once again to persuade her, never leaving her side.

 _And he was right._

* * *

Kurt Weller had experienced his fair share of terrible missions, but their current one was shaping up to be the worst of them all. He hated every single aspect of it: this Gabriel and his easy going relationship with Jane and how much he wished he could have that back with her these days.

This guy was about to be her new field partner, posing as her _boyfriend,_ while he'd have to waitin a van outside the Gallery. He could already feel helpless with the idea that the only connection with the pair would have to be through the comms.

He took a couple of deep steading breaths, willing himself to calm down for what was coming next. He would be of no use to her or anyone else if he let his personal feelings interfere with the mission. Focusing on _his_ part of the plan seemed like his only choice; the only way this operation could work without him going crazy.

His mind started replaying each of the steps they carefully schemed and he was so distracted by his own thoughts that he literally bumped directly into her as he rounded a corner.

His hands automatically shot out to keep her from falling and an electrifying feeling spread through his body as he touched her after a whole month of barely even looking into her eyes.

He had every intention of immediately letting her go and apologize; but as his eyes roamed over her body, his brain short circuited and the only thing he could do was take her all in.

She was wearing a black dress that hugged her curves in all the right places and ended just above her knee. It had a V cut in the front, showing just enough skin and leaving the rest to people's imagination - not that _he_ needed to imagine _anything_. And her tattoos… They were there in full display for the whole world to see.

 _She was breathtaking._

She cleared her throat and his eyes snapped to hers. She had a ghost of a smile on her face and definitely a blush in her cheeks and he couldn't remember another time he wanted to kiss her as much as he wanted now.

"Jane, you are,"

"There you are!" - Gabriel came out of nowhere, cutting him off and walking right into their moment - the very first one they had since the day she left the apartment.

Kurt clenched his jaw and for a fraction of a second, tightened his hold on her. He knew she could feel the possessiveness of his touch, could clearly read it in his eyes and part of his brain was screaming at him to stop it before she kicked his ass. The other part ironically had Rich Dotcom's voice, telling him to _not waste his life on missions and grab Jane now before somebody else did..._ before _Gabriel_ did.

 _He hated his brain._

It was the feeling of Jane's hand gently resting on top of his arm that brought him back. He slowly let go of her, his eyes never leaving her face, as she turned her head to address her friend.

"Are you ready?" - She asked Gabriel, acutely aware of Kurt's intense stare.

"Yep. And you," - He let a low whistle leave his lips. - "You are _definitely_ ready."

Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Kurt's hands closing into fists, his whole body going tense, and for the first time after weeks she felt like she had to protect him. She shot a warning glare at Gabriel, hoping to stop him from saying or doing anything more inappropriate, relieved when Tasha finally joined them again.

"Are you guys ready?"

Jane nodded and sidestepped both men, glad to get out of there. She started making her way to the SIOC with Tasha by her side.

"Who the hell is this guy?" - Tasha hissed, matching Jane's quick stride.

"I can't talk about this _now_ , Tasha."

"Are you trying to kill Weller?" - She took Jane's arm and pulled her away from the two men behind them, waiting as they went ahead to meet Patterson near the elevator. - "I mean, look at him."

He was standing across Gabriel, way grumpier than usual, his arms crossed over his chest and an anxious expression on his face. She knew it was killing him. The new guy, her going on the mission without him... all of it. Gabriel's timing was terrible, but he was the only one who could help them solve this case.

"Do you trust him?" - Tasha pulled her out of her thoughts. - "Jane, it's gonna be just the two of you in that Gallery. No backup. I don't know this guy's skills but,"

"It's not me you should worry about." - She immediately addressed her friend's concern. - "I'll be fine. And Gabe… _Gabriel_ , he's OK, I promise."

 _Hell she was… she_ was _trying to kill him!_ Tasha moved even closer, her eyes dead serious. - "Remember we will _all_ be hearing _everything_ you're saying."

Jane knew exactly what that meant. She shot a quick look towards Kurt and nodded to Tasha's reminder, while her eyes turned to focus on her mission-partner. She could be easily careful with her own words, but she could only hope that Gabriel's improvisations would also be appropriate. Her relationship with Kurt was already strained and the last thing she wanted was this operation to create a whole new mess between them.

Gabriel smiled at her as if he'd read her mind, but once the elevator arrived he chose a careless wink to invite her back to him. No one really noticed their silent communication. No one, except for the man who shouldn't have…

She was the last one to approach the rest of the team, deliberately avoiding Weller's eyes. But right before she entered the elevator, her elbow was trapped inside his hand, holding her decisively back. He let the doors close in front of them, signaling the others that they'd catch up using the next ride.

He had nothing to lose and he was losing everything at the same time. He wasn't gonna let her slip through his hands like that; not without his final send off.

"I need you to be careful out there." - He whispered meaningfullyinto her ear, keeping her body close to his. He paused for a second, while tracing her temple with his nose; using the moment to memorize her scent all over again. "Anything you need, _anything at all_ , you say the word and I'll be there." - He underlined his promise by tightening his grip, right before he pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head.

They weren't looking at each other. They didn't have to. And she didn't argue with him. _Not this time…_

* * *

The trip from the NYO to the gallery was supposed to take 30 minutes but to Tasha, it felt like they would never arrive. The tension inside the van was palpable and while no one had said anything since stepping inside, the silence was unbearably loud. She wanted to scream. Scream at Jane for choosing such a flirty and handsome guy as her partner. Scream at Weller for starting this mess with his lies. Scream at the world for this ill timed mission.

Weller was currently by her side, a tablet with the specs of the gallery on his hands. She knew he was memorizing every entry point and every route Jane might need from the inside. Jane and Gabriel were in front of them, passing another tablet with the same specs between them from time to time. They hadn't shared a word, probably Jane's way of making sure her friend wouldn't say anything to intensify the awkwardness of their situation.

There were moments Tasha caught her friend looking over at Weller; a mix of worry, longing and seriousness in her eyes and that was when she wanted to scream at _both_ of them so they could get their shit together and put all of them out of their misery. Everybody knew they belonged together and Tasha could only hope this mission reminded them (especially Jane) of that.

She had to restrain herself from letting out a relieved sigh, when the van finally came to a stop. They were in an alley two blocks away from the gallery. She cleared her throat making the trio look her way.

"This is your dropping point." - She turned her own tablet so the others could see a map of the neighborhood where the mission was going to take place. - "There's a car in the main street outside waiting to take you there. We are staying here, but we'll be following your every move through the CCTV cams Patterson managed to access. Remember, once you are inside, you are on your own." - Jane and Gabriel nodded.

"There is a CCTV camera pointing directly at the entrance of the gallery." - Tasha glanced discreetly but pointedly at Jane, her look saying it all; _Start the undercover part of it only when you are inside._ \- "And another one at the back door. We'll be following all movements in and out of the building. If anything suspicious or our target -Alexander Wood- appears, we'll let you know."

Tasha took a little box out of a bag and handed it to Jane.

"Here's the tracker you need to place on Wood."

"Got it." - Jane carefully hid it inside her purse.

"We'll park the van in the gallery's street. So if you guys need anything, use the comms and we'll help you." - Tasha paused, giving Weller a chance to add anything else he might deem necessary. When he kept quiet, she wrapped it up. The sooner they started it, the sooner this nightmare could end. - "Good luck and be careful out there."

"We will." - Jane determinedly got up, more than ready to get this over with. She didn't dare looking in Weller's direction. This was already hard enough without seeing the dismay on his face.

* * *

The short way to the gallery was blessedly spent without any comment on Gabriel's part. By the time they arrived, Jane started thinking that he might behave; but the moment they got out of the car, she knew how wrong she was.

Gabriel made his way around the vehicle and stopped beside her. His arm shot out, pulling her to him, the side of his body molding to hers as his hand snaked around her waist.

"Just relax and we'll have a wonderful time, _girlfriend_." - He whispered in her ear and it took everything in her not to punch him. He knew there were cameras. He knew Kurt was watching.

 **And he was listening, too. He said nothing, though. He kept staring at the screens, quiet and focused, but just for a few meaningless seconds his lungs seemed to forget how to pump any air into his body.**

She didn't say a thing either. She just resumed walking towards the front door.

 _This was going to be one long mission._

Gabriel took charge from that moment on, like they had planned, giving their names to the security guy at the entrance. After checking they were on the list, he allowed the pair to enter the gallery. They both plastered a smile on their faces, pretending to enjoy the exhibition, while scanning the room for their target.

However, it was Robert Braida who found them first, his bass voice startling them.

"Gabriel Fernandez!" - They turned around to find a huge man in a wonderfully tailored suit beaming at them. He was about to say something else, but as his eyes caught sight of Jane, he was left with his mouth hanging.

"Hello to you, too, Roberto." - Gabriel chuckled at the man's reaction. It was exactly how he imagined it would be and he was pretty sure Jane was glad Weller couldn't see it. - "This is Jane."

Robert seemed to snap out of his trance and with a brilliant smile, extended his hand to her.

"I was wondering why in God's name Gabriel subjected himself to something he always vehemently stated he hated, but now I can definitely understand." - He let out a laugh and squeezed her hand. "And you," - He turned to Gabriel and pulled him into a hug. - "You are one very lucky bastard."

"Oh, you have no idea." - Gabriel winked at him, throwing a sweet smile at Jane.

 _ **Should he remove his earpiece?**_ **He could still help if necessary, even without listening to every detail of that torture. There was something stuck in his throat that wouldn't leave no matter how hard he tried to clear it. He shut his eyes, desperately trying to stop the ugly images taking over his mind; but it was too late…**

"So you are the art lover in this relationship." - Robert addressed her again. "And I can see your tattoos are art in itself. Did you design them? Are you an artist?" - Robert's eyes traveled through her tattoos and Jane had to stop herself from flinching under his intense gaze.

"No, I'm not an artist. I just really enjoy it. " - She didn't elaborate. It was none of this man's business.

"George and Alexander are going to flip when they see you."

"George? As in… the artist George?" - Jane didn't need much to crash her fangirl part. - "Oh, I wish I could meet him. I'm such a big fan of his..."

"And he'll for sure become a big fan of yours when he meets you." - The gallery owner couldn't hide his excitement. "His cousin, too. Alexander. He actually has a dozen tattoos himself. But nothing as marvelous as yours, of course." - he kept babbling.

"Are they here yet?" - Gabriel tried to speed up the process.

"Oh let me see." - The man looked around the space and then back at the couple in front of him. - "George should arrive anytime soon. I'll make a round to talk to the guests and I'll come back to the two of you as soon as I spot them."

"Thank you, Robert." - Gabriel tried to sound as sincere as possible, nodding slightly towards the "birthday girl".

"No. Thank _you_ , Gabriel." - He gestured to Jane, a maniac glint on his eyes. - "For bringing this masterpiece."

"Yeah. Take your eyes off her, Roberto. She is taken."

" **Breathe." - Tasha's look reflected his terrified expression. "It's all an act, remember?" - She grabbed his arm as if her touch could give her words the believable status she wished they had.**

" **Yeah…" - He cleared his throat once again, taking his gaze away from her; hoping that silence could actually block his fears. His whisper slipped unintentionally through his lips then, filling his eyes with two heavy drips - "Is it?"**

"Is she? Well..." - Robert said teasingly, looking from Jane's face to her ring finger and back to Gabriel. - "A friendly advice? Put a ring on it before someone else does."

Jane felt as if this guy had just punched her in the stomach, as if the air had been knocked out of her. Her mind flashed to that day, almost a month ago...

 _ **Still on the kitchen counter**_ **. He buried his head inside his palms, wishing to stop the inevitable replay. Not even a lobotomy could have prevented that though… Her words never stopped burning his skull.**

 **Cry, scream, beg, pray… he'd do anything. Anything to check out of the hell she'd isolated him into. But none of that would probably work. And that was his biggest fear; cause** _ **maybe the verb he was actually looking for was "let go".**_

She only noticed Robert was gone when Gabriel touched her arm, bringing her back from the unpleasant memory. She could sense he was going to say something, possibly to ask if she was alright - her face must had showed him her despair - but she cut him off before he could start.

"Let's walk around. As soon as we meet Wood, I'll put the tracker on him and we can get the hell out of here."

And until she did, she'd kept pretending the happy girlfriend to the man she had no intention to love...

* * *

"Is that what you do every day over here?"

"No." - She chuckled, finally free from the doll clothes she was forced to fit into. "We usually have more action during the missions." - She mentioned casually, her eyes concentrating on the couch seams again.

"There was action today!" - He playfully complaint and paused for a while. "Plus... you were shaking the entire time." - His hand moved and carefully covered hers. "That should at least count as a calories burner, right?" - He tensed his grip, just enough to make her look up at him.

"So, how haven't you left already?" - She quickly changed the subject, avoiding any painful explanations.

"Well…" - He sighed, letting go of her hand - "I'm heading to sign all those _don't-you-dare-share-anything-you-heard-or-saw_ documents right now, but Patterson said I should probably stay until Wood's tracker leads you to the next location."

 _Long day at the office…_ and she was living it in all its glory.

She brought her legs on the couch and hugged her knees tightly, as if they were her last chance of peace. She was tired… no, she was exhausted. It felt like both her body and spirit were abandoning her with a terrifying synchronization.

How many were her sleepless nights? She wouldn't even know. Not that she actually cared. Her guilt and anger had already wiped everything away; her energy, her thoughts, her feelings… She was just wandering; her heart and mind numb from the cold inside her.

And then there was Kurt. How much longer could she live away from him? Pretending that it was ok, that _she_ was fine without him? Her life was a mess and yes, he was the one who helped it get that way. But was that enough to keep him -her other half- away? He was her friend, her family, her lover. He was her rock. And she missed him.

She hated him and she needed him at the same time.

 _He_ was now looking at her. A few unprocessed seconds of happiness when everything he ever wanted was within arm's reach. She was pale and seemed raddled, fast asleep on the break room couch. And for the first time after a whole month full of nothing but a shielding defense against him, he could finally cross her comfort zone without any casualties.

That should probably count as cheating in their current hide and seek game, but _so be it... e_ ven if that meant chasing vulnerable moments like this in order to steal a instant near her. Just to look at her without feeling as an offender. After all, how much harm could one final encounter cause?

He walked cautiously towards her, his eyes never leaving her face. He kneeled silently right in front of her, taking a minute to appreciate their proximity. His hand moved without waiting for permission, finding the places where it used to belong. He carefully brushed a wisp of hair away from her face, tracing a soft, almost non-existent caress onto her cheekbone. _God, he'd missed her_. But she wasn't his to touch anymore, was she? And she for sure didn't need him while going on with her life. She was a strong woman; always has been one.

And betraying this strong woman would apparently be his biggest love penalty.

He stayed still in front of her, his eyes closed and his head facing the floor. The lump in his throat felt alive as he placed the piece of paper in her hand. Thankfully, she was too tired to wake up from that, giving him some time to stabilize his breathing and find his composure. Eventually, his legs found the strength to move him away from her face level. He pressed a soft kiss on her hair and walked away, relieved that he got to do that _his_ way, avoiding her terrifying flinches.

He didn't look back. He closed the door, leaving her and their apartment's sale arrangement behind. That place had stopped feeling like home the second she moved out. It was pointless holding on to something she'd clearly had left behind. And then... he had to set her free.

* * *

 _ **Please comment us your thoughts (there are two of us, we can take it!).**_

 _ **Part 2 is on its way…**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _ **Hi guys! Sorry for the unexpected delay, but it's about time this story gets a finale! Thank you so much for your wonderful comments and support on Part1. We really hope you will also enjoy this second Part.**_

 _ **For those of you who aren't nerdy enough to re-read P1:  
**_ _Jeller have been apart for_ _ **a whole month**_ _after Weller's Berlin secret came out.  
Jane and a mystery guy from her past (Gabriel) go on an undercover mission together.  
Kurt decides that fighting for his long lost marriage is pointless and decides to __**sell the NY apartment**_ _._

 _ **For those of you who got a little confused with our story:  
Since this is our alternative proposal, please **__**note**_ _ **that**_ _ **NONE of the show's plotlines after the Berlin reveal exist in our story**_ _._

* * *

 **HOLD YOUR HORSES  
PART2**

"Why are you here?"

Jane had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. Of course he would follow her to the bar. Of course he would notice how she was absent from their interactions at the table or how her face was probably showing this was the last place she wanted to be.

"Because you said you were paying." - She turned sideways towards him and leaned against the bar counter, a smirk on her lips.

In truth, the only reason she was there was because Gabriel had insisted they all should celebrate the end of their very successful mission and she agreed to come along as a way to thank him for everything he'd done. The team had readily accepted a chance to share drinks and, if she knew Patterson and Zapata at all, to dig more about Gabriel and his story with her.

They were all there.

Except for Weller. He had politely refused the invitation, thanked Gabriel for his help and left the building.

Gabriel sighed and shook his head, his expression telling her he wasn't amused by her attempt to avoid his question.

"Why are you acting stupid, Jane?"

She almost laughed out loud at his question. If only he had any idea of how stupid she'd been acting during this past month…

"I came all this way to grab you guys some beers. How is this acting stupid?" - She threw back at him, hoping to God he would give up questioning her. She was not in the mood to talk about anything, let alone what he was trying to drag out of her.

"You should be with Weller." - He stated, closely watching her reaction, wanting to take his words back the minute her whole face contorted with raw pain.

Jane felt her heart shattering at the mention of Kurt's name; her thoughts diving back to when she woke up at the SIOC a few hours ago. She had opened her eyes to a sharp pain in her neck due to her sleeping position, only to find something placed in her hands. She would never forget how the world had stopped and lost all its colors as she realized what it was and what it meant.

He had given up. On her, on them, on their marriage. On their _home_.

 _And it was all her fault._

"I don't…" - She took a deep breath, desperately trying to control her emotions. She wouldn't cry, not there, not with him. She dropped her face so he couldn't see her complete anguish. - "I don't think Weller wants my company right now."

 _Or ever._

"Are you kidding me?" - Gabriel angled his face so he could get a better look at hers. She couldn't be serious, not after everything he had witnessed today. When she didn't reply, he chuckled and took a step forward. - "You _are_ being stupid."

Jane wanted to yell at him to back off and stay out of it, but all the fight had been drained out of her since she'd woken up to the apartment's sale arrangement. She couldn't even dare admitting it to herself, but that was the equivalent of divorce papers; and thinking of this single word was more painful than any stabbing or shot she had ever endured.

"Or maybe you're just blind. Didn't you notice the way he looked at you the whole day? Cause the rest of us sure did. There was nothing that man wanted more than to go into that gallery with you."

"Gabriel, you don't,"

"No. You listen to me." - Jane's head snapped up at his decisive tone, finding his eyes zoomed in on hers. There wasn't a single trace of the playful and light Gabriel she was used to. - "I don't know what's going on between you and Weller and I don't want to know. But whatever it is, you need to fix it. Know why?"

She could have given him a list of reasons why she needed Weller in a heartbeat, but kept quiet instead. It didn't matter anymore.

"Because, Jane, even when I first met you and you told me a little about yourself and everything you'd left behind, you weren't as sad and defeated as you're looking right now. That Jane had hope and was fighting to get back to her old lifeone day. And frankly, this hopeless look doesn't quite suit you. You are a fighter. So, maybe this is the time you need to start fighting for him."

"What if it's a lost battle?" - She asked in a whisper, her eyes welling with tears.

"Wasn't it a lost battle before, when you were on the run? You kept running because at some point you thought you couldn't win. And yet, here we are. You made it back to where you belong." - His hand covered hers on the top of the counter, offering a silent comfort. - "I don't think there's _anyone_ who loves you more than Weller. And _I_ _saw it_ today. So you have to be either stupid or blind to think there isn't a way to fix whatever happened between you two."

As she listened to her friend, all of her moments with Kurt earlier that day became an endless replay in her head. The way his eyes were almost "eating" her in that dress, how he'd grabbed her to prevent her from falling, how he'd looked like he didn't want to let go - not ever. And then the way he'd held her back, making sure she knew he was there for her if she needed him during the mission; _cause when wasn't he?_

She had an idea of what had probably pushed him over the edge and prompted him to place those papers in her hand, but she knew _exactly_ what his looks, touches and words meant.

She had always known.

"Go." - Gabriel had a small smile on his face as he watched determination replacing her previous sorrow. - "I'll get them drunk. They'll never notice."

Jane placed her free hand on the one covering hers and squeezed it.

"Thank you, Gabe." - She kissed him on the cheek and started to the front door. - "For everything."

She practically ran out of the pub, her mind flooded by his presence. It was like the force she'd used to keep him away was suddenly reversed, dragging her towards him. His mistakes had started shrinking in the fear of losing him forever and the pain she'd caused him was now clearer than ever.

In no time, she found herself in front of the building, only to realize she had no idea of what to say to him. The only thing she knew for sure was that she couldn't let him go without a fight.

And she wouldn't.

* * *

She knocked on the door twice, her heart going wild when his footsteps arrived at the other side.

"Jane?" - He greeted her confused, trying to understand how and why she'd ended up on his - _well theirs, technically… well his, now_ \- doorstep. "What are you doing here?" - A tired sigh left his mouth as he kept blocking the entrance with his body; no less surprised, but neither more excited by her presence.

"So…? That's it. You're giving up." - She held the selling arrangement in front of him, feeling both her anger and her guilt build up. How could this strong and stubborn as hell man look so defeated? _How on earth could she have turned the love of her life into this powerless and exhausted figure?_

"Is there anything else for me to do?" - A deep exhale underlined his question.

 _Fight!_ \- She wanted to yell at him. _For us. For me. For the perfect moments we had before you went on ruining everything. I lost a child and my whole world at the same time, because of you. And now I have to accept that I'm losing you, too?_

But she could never bring herself to say any of this. Because he did fight for her, for them. He'd kept fighting over and over again, enduring the distance and the pain she'd brought between them. Trying to give her the space she wanted while holding his own desperate reunion-wishes back.

"No, I don't think there is." - She left the stabbing reply sink as she overstepped him, closing the door behind her. "But I can do _this_." - She ripped the paper in her hand, in front of an even more confused Weller.

His face had already completed the semi-open-mouth-wide-open-eyes shock reaction, signaling the mess inside his head. _What was she doing?_ _Except from illegally destroying papers that…_

"What were you thinking?" - She forced him out of his thoughts with her now louder question.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" - He gave up trying to secretly define her state of mind.

"No." - She sighed quietly, lowering her head, considering the right words that would make him understand.

She put the - _illegally_ … _of course he'd thought about that!_ \- ripped arrangement on the kitchen counter, struggling to clear her thoughts from the sparkles that suddenly blurred her vision.

"I know I've made you think that…" - She started her shaky confession. "Like I don't care about any of this…" - A gesture pointed the space between them, meaning their whole world together. - "But,"

"But what, Jane?"

"But I still want this." - She slowly lifted her head to return his gaze.

"Really? Cause you didn't seem to want it this morning." - He started losing his patience as she began to put his hopes through that relentless roller coaster.

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about your... _boyfriend_! That's what I'm talking about." - He interrupted her pathetic explanation, feeling both his temper and his voice rise.

"Kurt, you don't,"

"Stop! Just… stop." - He took a deep breath to calm himself down, using his hand to relieve the frustrating pressure on his eyes.

They'd spent a whole month beating each other up with their actions. He'd failed her, betrayed her, hurt her more than he thought was possible. It wasn't petty theft he'd lied about, it was murder. Of her own child. How did he expect her to get over that? She wouldn't… she shouldn't. He could never have her really back. He'd ruined her life and she had turned his into a nightmare; a torture without any routes for escape. It was time to let go.

"We don't have to do this to each other anymore." - He sighed, putting his anger aside and facing their reality once again.

They had for sure done some pretty hurtful things to each other, time and time again, but her mind had all of a sudden flown to those moments - _their_ _moments_ \- that actually defined their bond:

The first time she saw him, the first time she kissed him, the first time she made love to him; when she pushed him away from that bullet or that other time that her hands were covered in his blood and her heart was ready to explode. And then there was that first time she allowed herself to cry in his hug and those fiery arguments over the safety rules that none of them would ever follow. _The perfect moment she bloody married him_. How could she ever let him go?

"So, we don't get to love each other anymore?" - _Well, two could play the passive aggressive game._ \- "And what about those perfect moments you were promising? _For the rest of our lives_ …"

"I thought we had them." - _Why was she doing that to him?_ "You've made me happier than anyone ever could." - Saying anything else would have been the biggest understatement. But no matter how much he wanted to hold her in his arms, that happiness was now part of their past. - "I can't do this anymore, Jane."

"Us. You mean you can't do _us_ , anymore?" - Her voice was failing her and panic had started showing in her teary eyes.

"There's no _us_ left, Jane. Can't you see it? How am I supposed to keep chasing something that's constantly leaving me behind?"

 _What had happened to him? Where was the fighter she used to know?_ The man who couldn't live without her, who'd traveled the whole world to find her, who'd spent a whole month patiently accepting her anger just to respect her wishes.

Suddenly the realization was crystal clear. She'd solely been asking for space, while giving nothing back. But as the distance got bigger, the one sided recovery he was attempting was a perfectly unrealistic task. She had put him through something that was just too much -even for _his_ shoulders- to bear.

"Is there anything I can do?" - She tested her chances one more time, trying to figure out the best way to prove her intentions to him.

"I think we've both done enough." - His eyes were welling up as well; his voice rough, almost unable to complete its sentence.

"OK, then." - She quickly wiped her cheeks, taking a small step backwards. "I'll leave." - She assured him defeated.

Her head was spinning and judging from the look on his face he was, too, more confused than ever. He dropped his head, nodding to her departure as if it was inevitable, silently cursing himself for adding more to both their pain.

"I'll leave the apartment, _you_ , whatever you want…" - She went on, finding the strength she needed through her dizziness. "Just look me in the eye and tell me we're not worth it." - She wasn't crying anymore; the fiercest expression shielding her face.

"You know I can't do that." - He swallowed numbly, almost whispering his expected weakness; surprised by the proximity she used to confront him.

One more step and she would be in his personal space.

"Well… there's nothing here to lose anymore, right?" - She was tactically attacking all his fronts with everything she had. And then she was almost touching him.

He could feel the warmth of her body and had to consciously stop himself from reaching forward and touch her, make her his again.

His eyes were now softer and a few breathless seconds was her way back inside those walls of his. "This isn't fair." - He mumbled, almost drunk from the heat of her body.

"We stopped doing fair a long time ago, remember?" - Her nose traced his chin.

She was challenging him with every tiny motion of her face, while keeping her hands firmly by her sides. Her breath was steady, controlled; her biggest ally in that ambitious raid. _Fake!_ But it was working. And when _his_ breathing started picking up its tempo, there was no way back. _And they both knew that_.

"Don't give up on this…" - She whispered next to his mouth, lifting her heels to bring herself higher. "Not now." - She let her last wish right on his lips.

 _Would he really have her begging him?_ Her body was still beaming towards him, perfectly balanced on her toes, her lips barely touching his. And she was waiting.

He pulled her arms to him, forcing her to lower on her feet. His hands moved then to capture her waist, while his mouth glided from her jawline to her neck. She immediately gave him more access, but his intentions weren't exactly matching her expectations.

"I just spent an entire day…" - He whispered, his mouth never leaving her skin. "…watching another man touch you the way _he_ did." - He finished his statement with a firm grip on her waist. "Do you have any idea how that felt?" - His body was now aggressively possessive in every part that joined hers, keenly refusing to let any space between them.

"Well, I wasn't exactly enjoying it either." - She muttered, before angling her head to capture both his mouth and his next breath. Her hands left their soulless position, holding his head firmly as she kept sharing her passionate _secret_ with him.

He was lost. His brain was definitely not working, but his body was back at the most pleasantly familiar places. His hands were roaming her back and her sides, never interfering with the ongoing kiss. It was a mixture of lust, agony, pain and desire that shadowed their better judgment, but none of them seemed to care. They kept feeling and smelling and tasting each other, giving in their wild and demanding touches.

"Nothing happened." - She panted when he finally released her mouth, letting his lips rest right above her eye; his arms keeping their jealous placement, snaked around her torso. "Me and Gabe." - She explained, trying to ease his tense.

She pushed his chest back, decisively untangling their heads. Her arms remained locked around his shoulders when he tried to pull back, confused by her words and ready to feel sorry for his weak and careless dive into her. "We were only friends. Nothing more than that. Not now and not ever." - She underlined her second explanation, looking deeply into his eyes; holding him still, no space for doubt.

As his was trapped inside her hug, never wanting to leave that sweet cage of hers, the tiniest smiles found their way back on those broken faces. But neither lasted much, crashed by the new wave of desire. This meeting was more confident and even less calculated than their first outburst. It was like nirvana, unable to control or completely realize their actions, but perfectly aware of each other's presence; ready to complete their most desirable needs. Any external factor had ceased to exist and all they could concentrate on was the bliss of their bodies back together.

He was now holding her head within his hands, as she was climbed on his waist. He could have used a wall or any furniture to help him keep going, but her grip on him was so tight that no assistance was necessary. So, he kept caressing every inch of her face, while passionately savoring her. And then he paused. One arm moving down to support her on him; his parted lips rested on her cheek bone as he circled his fingers around her neck, feeling her need for air with his thumb.

 _Don't stop,_ was the last coherent though her mind was able to form.

It took them seconds to peel the disturbing fabrics away, handling their partner's body by instinct in every passage they chose. Their eyes kept shut, afraid of disrupting the harmony of their messy madness; blindly trusting their love to take charge and bring them to the other side. They didn't speak or think or hesitate. The heat of their bodies melted both scents and insecurities away leaving them on a plain act, tangled up in each other.

 _I love you_ ; it fiercely possessed his mind, as her intoxicating aroma overwhelmed every bit of his existence.

* * *

She woke up feeling relieved. Not necessarily happy, but something felt better, more right. She opened her eyes disoriented, needing a couple of seconds to completely position herself in space. And then she started sensing the rest of the signs.

Her back wasn't free to roll, but perfectly fixed by the warm barrier behind her. Her rib cage under a minor pressure; secure fingers following its shape until her stomach, closely monitoring the smooth movement of her breathing. She couldn't detect any clothes on her, the lulling air behind her ear the only assurance of her safety.

Getting out of bed without alarming him was impossible. But then again, she didn't want to either. _What was she doing anyway?_ Everything that happened the night before felt almost like a dream, so far away from reality and problems. It had been a crazy impulse, a raw force that'd pushed them back together. _Where they had always belonged_ , she helplessly corrected her mind.

She had gone there to talk, probably even fight him, but after a whole month of bitterness and delays, maybe her visit occurred to simply _find_ him. And it surely felt nice. _He felt nice_. She took a deep breath, enjoying the possibilities of this "accidental" normal.

His nose was buried inside her hair, his whole embrace filled by her. And he was in heaven. He'd woken up before her, terrified that he'd find the side next to him empty once again. But she was still there, peaceful inside his hug. _Had she regret it?_ That was now his only concern, feeling her quiet at her first waking moments. And then her arches moved to cover his knees.

 _And then he knew_.

His fingers lingered over her skin, leaving soft caresses all the way from her stomach and her side down to her thigh; resting at their favorite position, trapped in the back of her knee.

"Good morning." - She mumbled sleepily, shivering from the patterns his thumb was tracing over her leg.

"Good morning." - He replied, leaning slightly forward to kiss the corner of her jaw.

"You OK?" - He couldn't hold back his classic worry when she started shifting inside his arms.

"I'm fine." - She reassured him, gently meeting his lips, before she turned to fully face him.

Their eyes met and as she gazed deeply into his, she wished she could find the words to tell him what seeing his blue ones first thing in the morning meant to her. He raised his hand and gently cupped her face, his thumb drawing lazy circles on her cheek. Needing more contact with her, he leaned down and rested his forehead against hers.

"Tell me this is not a dream." - He whispered quietly against her lips. He wasn't sure he could take it if it was.

She shook her head against his, taking his free hand and pressing it against her heart.

"I'm right here." - She whispered back, lifting her other hand and putting it against his heart. The steady beating she met reassured her they were really there in this moment. - "I'm right here with you."

She watched surprised as his eyes filled with tears.

"I'm," - His voice caught in his throat and he cleared it before continuing. "I'm really glad you are." - She sensed he wanted to say something more, but chose to shut his mouth and give her a tearful smile instead.

Knowing him, she had a pretty good idea of what he couldn't voice, of what he wouldn't ask of her, _because that was the kind of man he was_. And she could only love him more for it.

"I'm not going anywhere, Kurt." - She framed his face, her thumbs wiping his tears away. She wanted to make sure he could see the truth in her eyes. - "I promise. I'm here to stay. "

"Are you sure? Jane, I know what I did and,"

"I forgive you." - She cut him off and if the moment wasn't so serious, she would have laughed at the absolute shock on his face.

"I'll probably never completely get over the fact I won't get to meet my daughter" - She went on, "but I won't hold you to that. I know you didn't mean to…" - She couldn't complete her sentence, so she rushed on before he could interrupt her with more apologies. - "I know you'd do anything to change what happened. I know that, Kurt, I've always known."

"Jane,"

"No, listen to me." - She had lost count of how many times she had relived the night Kurt told her what went down in Berlin and some of the things she said to him still haunted her.

"I forgive you, but I need you to forgive me too. I said some horrible things that night and I'm so, _so_ sorry." - It had been so cruel Jane couldn't believe she was capable of it. She could only imagine what it did to him.

"Of course." - He didn't hesitate, didn't even think before setting her free from the guilt she'd been carrying for a month. Jane felt both like punching him and kissing the hell out of him for always being so good to her. - "And I'm really, really sorry for,"

"No. Stop. No more apologies. I don't want it. The only thing I need from you is that you don't keep secrets from me anymore. No more lies, Kurt. From you or me. That's the only way this can work."

He nodded vigorously, a solemn expression on his face. - "No more secrets."

Her lips curved up into a tiny smile. She felt lighter than she'd felt in months. Everything was out in the open and they could finally start figuring out how to go on from there.

She sighed as she pressed herself closer to him, tucking her face in his neck. He hugged her tightly, struggling to believe this amazing woman, who was his entire universe, was back with him.

"I love you, Kurt." - He heard her murmur against his skin, pressing a kiss to it.

"I love you, too." - He kissed the top of her head as they fell into a comfortable silence.

A silence that was shattered a few minutes later by his phone's ring. She had started dozing off and let out an incomprehensible grumble that was definitely a protest to any movement they need to make.

He chuckled at her behavior and kissed her hair again, before dislodging her and reaching for the phone. Caller ID: Patterson. _It could only be another cracked tattoo_ , he groaned…

"Hey, Patterson. What's up?"

"Weller, I believe Avery is alive."

He used all his self control to not shot up from their bed and run straight to the NYO. He took a deep breath, not wanting to alarm Jane to the content of the conversation until Patterson told him more.

"Why?" - He asked, his voice calm. He glanced at Jane, now laying with her head on his pillow, her eyes mercifully closed.

"I found a 911 call from Germany. A woman asks for help and the property from where the call was made belongs to a guy connected to Avery's story. Listen for yourself."

Kurt held his breath as he waited for Patterson to play the recording. And then, a warm and relieving bloom filled his chest at the sound of Avery's voice. _He hadn't killed her_. Everything that Patterson told him made perfect sense. It _had_ to be true.

"It's her." - Jane shifted beside him. His voice probably gave him away and he could now feel her eyes on him.

"Are you sure?" - Patterson was still on his ear, her voice hopeful.

"Yes. Can you send the audio to me?"

"I'll send it over now."

"Thank you, Patterson."

He hung up without waiting for a reply. He took all the time he needed to put the phone down on the bedside table and when he finally turn to Jane, her eyes were still glued on him.

"What is it, Kurt?" - She felt dread settle deep inside her heart. _She should have known her happiness couldn't last more than a few hours_. Maybe she was destined to pay for her past sins, maybe she…

"Avery is alive." - Kurt's words stopped her thoughts, stopped her breath, her whole world.

"What?"

"Your daughter, Jane. She is alive." - He repeated, carefully watching her reaction. Part of him expecting this news to make her withdrew from him; regret what was said and done between them, remind her of what he'd done. Or, at least, what he thought he'd done.

"How?" - He almost let out a cry of relief when instead of getting away from him, she reached forward, a hand grasping his arm.

He proceeded to explain what Patterson had just discovered and how certain he was that it was indeed Avery on the audio.

"We need to help her." - Jane was already out of the bed, searching for the clothes they had discarded on their way to the bedroom.

He quickly shoved the sheets off and before she could exit the room, he blocked her path forcing her to stop.

"We'll get on the first plane to Berlin. But, Jane..." - His unsure pause made her focus on him again. - "I'll understand it if,"

"There is no one I want to go with me more than you." - She took his hands in hers and squeezed it. - "I can't do this without, Kurt."

He instinctively knew she meant more than just this new mission.

He nodded, determination filling his whole being. Life had given him two second chances in less than twenty four hours and he wasn't about to waste any one of them; nor with Avery and neither with his wife.

"Let's go get her, then."

 _Together_.

* * *

 _ **Please comment us your thoughts… (Once again, there are two of us, we can really take it!)**_


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